As Seen On TV

Twisted Sister & Writing Slut Meg here hijacking the Sluts blog for a rant.

I’ve had it! Seriously! The ads on TV are getting terrible! If I believed every promise made, I’d be thin, rich, have the perfectly cleaned house, kids, critters, and dressed to the nines with thick luxurious full hair that never needs roots dyed!

Come on, ad people. Shouting at me — ala Staples commercial, I immediately put a choke hold on the remote to switch channels. I’m mad enough to fire off a nasty gram to Staples. If I filed frivolous law suits, I’d do it on the basis of NO SLEEP. (I set the sleep timer on the TV and have been rudely awoken by that stupid commercial. No hate comments, please. I’ve trained DH that this is the way it has to be.)

And if that damn Burger King dude ever appeared at the end of my bed, he’d be missing that scary head. How does that not give small children and grown children, too, nightmares? Give me Tony Stewart munching a burger over me any night, well, almost any night. I’m at that age where sleep is sometimes much more necessary than — well, you can guess where my mind is going. I’d scooch DH & Rocky over, then pat the newly warm empty place. Now, that would get me to eat at Burger King!   Eat X number of Whoopers to win a chance to see Tony! Of course, I’d be the size of the Goodyear Blimp. How attractive would that be?

As writers, we spin our worlds to our liking, so why can’t the advertising business? It isn’t that hard! I wrote radio ads–much like back cover blurbs. Get me into your product.

What TV commercials have you diving for the remote?


12 thoughts on “As Seen On TV

  1. The commercial that makes me crack up is the one for the bust enhancer. It looks like The Club- that antitheft car device that locks on the steering wheel- only you pull it in and out and it’s supposed to give you a rack like a 20 year old playmate after her 3rd boob surgery.

    Anyways, the women on the commercial look stressed out doing the excercise and their before and after pictures just look like they went into JC Penny’s and bought a push-up bra! 🙂

    But, all in all I love the creativity of commercials. They’re like a fantasy world written by advertisers to make us all believe everyone in Hollywood is a size three, rich, in love with their soul mate, live in immaculately cleaned homes and have acquired even more immaculate clothes, cars, clothes and kids.
    All to make us think our lives suck so we’ll buy their product.

    I’m with you Meg! Burn the T.V.’s in effigy so the world will buy more ROMANCE novels! 🙂


    • RD, you make me laugh! I have never seen the bust enhancer–the
      Club…..bwaaaa haaahhh.
      Some commercials are hall of fame worthy. Herding Cats will always be a fav!
      Thanks for making me smile. 🙂

  2. Meg,

    I’m the kind of person who used to watch commercials–I didn’t skip them–until lately. Since most people are DVR’ing TV and skipping through commercials, advertisers have started repeating the commercials over and over again, in the hopes that you’ll catch ONE of them. That kind of marketing leaves me tired.

    I love the Progressive Insurance commercials with FLO and her tricked out nametag. She looks like someone I’d like to party with.

    I love the car commercials where the jogger stops to admire the card and a sea monster snags him and the cardboard cutout of the car flops over. Then the tentacle sets the car back up and slithers back into the ocean.

    I love the car commercial that does a big Rube Goldberg device using all the pieces of a Honda car. That one was genius!!

    Many ads are the work of creative brilliance. This one’s a classic.

    I don’t like it when they YELL at me about anything, but I don’t sleep with the TV on or going. spw

    • Sandee–
      I like FLO too! Vroom Vroom.
      Saturation advertising irritates me to distraction. I do applaud the creative ads, there are just too few of them.

      I haven’t seen that car commercial.

      OMGOsh, that was an amazing ad. I’d buy Carlton Draught! 🙂

  3. I took several advertising classes in Journalism school. Here’s a stat for you: The louder the announcer yells the dumber the advertiser thinks his target audience is. They create a sense of urgency by raising the volume of the announcer’s voice. The more sophisticated the advertiser thinks his buyer may be, the softer the voice. Think about the difference between the voice over in used car commercials vs. the Lexus commericals. So when the announcer is shouting, just know your seller thinks your IQ is less than 20. If you’re insulted, you should be.

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