My editor and I have been having a discussion lately about the release date for Demon Heart. I wrote her a few weeks back brimming with insecurity and wondering if we should still push for a May release. She wrote back and told me that she was fine with a delay, just to let her know ASAP what I wanted to do, so that Lyrical could arrange their ‘new release’ schedule, accordingly. (BTW…is that not the most accommodating thing you have ever heard of? Lyrical rocks!)
Anyway, I have spent most of the past two weeks wallowing in a pool of indecision. Demon Heart is my first release, and all of a sudden I am plagued by doubt. I still love the story…but I agonize over every turn of phrase, every questionable quotation mark. Is it good enough? Am I going to get ripped by the reviewers? Does the love scene sound silly instead of sexy? Can people even bend that way?
I have spent many, many nights lying awake, lately, lost in doubt. FINALLY, after much soul searching, I decided to trust in my publisher…they bought the story because they loved it. The rejection rate for e-pubbing is 97%. Demon Heart made the cut. It is worthy. PLUS my editor is fantastic. She has a keen eye and she is STRICT! If Camila thinks DH is good to go, then it is. Period. She would never put me out there unless she truly thinks I am ready. She would never risk her rep, nor Lyrical’s, if the story was not ‘ready for prime time’.
So, my major emotional crisis is over (for now), but what I would like to know is this…are other writers are plagued by similar insecurities? I am all the time hearing about writers who think their words are golden…am I the only one that scowls when I look at the screen after a hard day of writing? How big of a part does ego play in this game, and how sure of yourselves are you? Am I the only quaking rabbit in our midst…or are their more of me, out there? Just wondering. It is a hard, hard thing, I am discovering, to put yourself out there.
And to think…I used to believe that selling the book was the hardest part of the publishing gig. HA!