They say 50 is the new 30.  Really?  Then tell that to my body!  At 30, I didn’t have to wear a pair of “cheaters” to read the warnings on a medicine bottle or the menu at my favorite Mexican restaurant.  This morning as I was putting on my make-up, it really ticked me off that I had to put on my glasses so I could read the labels.  I couldn’t tell which eye shadow was Peach Puff or Vanilla Sugar.  And if that wasn’t insult enough, I had to use the flip side of my mirror, the side that magnifies, to even put my eye shadow on.

When I was 30, I played soccer five days a week. After a tough game, I still had plenty of energy to go to dinner, and then do a little mattress dancing.  Now after just doing a little yard work, the only thing I do on a mattress is snore!  My knees have so much gravel in them my doctor calls me Mrs. Flintstone.  I had a complete physical the other day. On the plus side, my cholesterol, blood sugar, and blood pressure were perfect.  On the downside, he says I need to lose more weight.  “More weight?” I asked.  “But I’ve already lost 50 pounds. I’m still working on lose more.  I walk two hours/day, stay below 1200 calories a day, but the weight just comes off so slow,” I whined.

  And you know what he said?

“Getting old will do that. Once you hit menopause, you just don’t lose it as fast.”

Gee thanks, Doc.

There are some benefits to being 50.  I’ve been around the block a few times since I turned 30. So now, I’m a fountain of wisdom.  Seriously, just ask me anything and I’ll have an opinion about it. I figure at 50, I’ve earned the right to speak my mind.  In addition, to being 50, I’ve also been married for 28 years.  There’s a huge plus to that too. I don’t have to worry if my guy notices that my rear-end sags, because his does too.

Oh, yeah, for our anniversary, we bought each other matching rocking chairs, ‘cuz we’re grandparents now. And that’s another great thing about being my age.  I can sit back and I watch my son chase his eleven month old, who has learned to walk and get into everything, and smile because I don’t have to change diapers anymore. I can spoil that boy rotten, then hand him off to his momma when he’s stinky.

So on the whole, 50 is not so bad. But it sure as heck isn’t 30!


12 thoughts on “30+

  1. Great to have you back, Lynn!
    You are so funny!
    I love being over 50….just not sure my kids do as I’m the one getting into ‘stuff’! 😉

  2. Ain’t it a bummer, Lynn? With age, things slow down and what used to be a snap to do is now a lot harder. (Except with Meg who is now in her second childhood. *snort*) There are some pluses, like not having to change the baby’s stinky diaper, go through PMS every month, etc. And you ARE more comfortable with your spouse. A major plus.

    Glad to see you back!

    • Yeah, Linda, my knees SNAP a whole lot easier these days. I creak like warped floor boards. Who needs ghosts when you’ve got my squeaky joints! Thanks for the welcome back.

  3. Lynn,

    I can so RELATE to what you wrote. Of course, I don’t need the cheaters because I went into bifocals at the ripe old age of 28. Night school will do that to you!

    I adore my age. My body isn’t there for me anymore, weight is a constant struggle. But I’m loving my husband, my empty nest and watching my children parent my grandchildren. Here’s to many more wonderful years!! spw

    • Sandee,

      I really enjoy watching my son parent his son. It’s fun and poignant. They are really so sweet together. He’s a good dad.

      I can’t image going back into the dating pool at this point in my life. For one, my DH would be hard to replace. For two, while there’s no mystery anymore, can’t be when he’s been in the room while I was birthing my kids, we laugh a lot more these days. And there’s a lot to be said for a guy who can keep you smiling in and out of the bedroom.

      • Lynn,

        I agree. I am endlessly fascinated by my DH. I tell people all the time that I was attracted first to his ‘very large brain.’ spw

  4. Lynn-so glad to see you sluttin’ it up! 🙂

    I spent the last ten years of my life mourning what I could never be. The women my age are 70 lbs lighter, wear skin tight spandex and look damn good in it and, yes, many of them play soccer five times a week.

    That will NEVER be me, but I can’t mourn for that. I can only embrace the me in the now, love the me in the now, because in 50 years, I may not be here. I’m happy I’ve found a group of smart women who get me and appreciate my humor and though we don’t share the same age in numbers I feel like I’ve found soul mates, people who are helping me navigate through this journey of life to be the best ME possible.

    Love you guys. I hope I can be as hip and with it when I get to the big 5-0. 🙂


    • RD,

      You know the people I really feel for are the ones who never reach the point where they are comfortable in their own skin. I used to have a sorority sister who couldn’t stand to be alone, she always had to be with someone. I thought that was sad. There are times when I like company, and times I need to be with my own thoughts.

      The proof that we sluts really are smart women is that we’re comfortable with ourselves and have the sense to truly appreciate our collective wit and wisdom!

  5. I’m with you on the creaky joints, Lynn. One time I told my primary doc (who’s almost young enough to be my child) that my knees grated. He was sitting across the room, making notes, and said, “Let me check and see if I can feel it.” I went ahead and straightened my leg while he was still writing, and he turned around wide-eyed and said, “I could hear that all the way over here!”

    I like being the age I am. I feel freer somehow, or maybe I just don’t care what anyone thinks anymore. I’m joining Meg in her second childhood, and loving being “gwandma.”

    Though I do change stinky diapers. Because of all my allergies, I don’t have a great sense of smell, so when he’s poopy, they hand him to me. 🙂

  6. Marilyn,

    I’m right there with you! I love my age and I’m actually having fun! There’s a certain freedom in being this age, if you act goofy people can just chalk it up to being senile! There’s so much you can get away with. And being a grandma is the best. Everyone told me it would be, but it’s something you really have to experience to truly appreciate.

  7. I’m in my sixty’s, so I’m not in the “new 30”, but I can’t complain except I’m getting waaaay too old to be working as a hospital nurse. One thing I did allow myself at the age of 50 is giving up the obsession with my weight. I try to eat healthy, but I no longer think of myself as a horrible person if I have a piece of pie now and then.

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